The space between...
It's a known fact that when you're married, and share a bed, there is a definitive 'your side' and 'my side' of the bed. The area in between is no mans land, contested territory, the demilitarized zone, if you will.
In our house, this is referred to as 'The Great Wall of NO'.
Painstakingly built over the past few years through the erosion of our respective sides of the bed, the end result, is a hump that runs down the geographic center of the mattress. It's larger counterpart in China was constructed to keep nomadic raiders from plundering the spoils of China, and so too, was the Great Wall of NO constructed to keep my nomadic fingers from plundering Lisa's spoils. Generally, the foundation of the wall is further buttressed using an intricate construction consisting of pillows and cleverly folded covers until she rests behind an impregnable, unnavigable maze of linen that Marco Polo couldn't surmount.
But, the barbarians have struck back. That's right, I've used my time this week when the wall was left unguarded to slowly erode the base structure. Nightly I've parked my carcass directly atop The Great Wall of No, and I believe I've worn it down to a level equal to the rest of the sleeping surface. Boy will she be surprised when she snuggles down with her false sense of security behind her carefully constructed barricade, only to find her space invaded by the ravenous raider hell bent on plundering her booty.
Unfortunately, she knows spouse-fu, so if you see me in the emergency room, be sure to wave.
Oh yeah, that reminds me...
ALERT!! ALERT!! The wife is en route. Repeat. The wife is en route.
Cover all exterior doghouse hatchways!
Engage the cloaking device!
This is not a drill!
In our house, this is referred to as 'The Great Wall of NO'.
Painstakingly built over the past few years through the erosion of our respective sides of the bed, the end result, is a hump that runs down the geographic center of the mattress. It's larger counterpart in China was constructed to keep nomadic raiders from plundering the spoils of China, and so too, was the Great Wall of NO constructed to keep my nomadic fingers from plundering Lisa's spoils. Generally, the foundation of the wall is further buttressed using an intricate construction consisting of pillows and cleverly folded covers until she rests behind an impregnable, unnavigable maze of linen that Marco Polo couldn't surmount.
But, the barbarians have struck back. That's right, I've used my time this week when the wall was left unguarded to slowly erode the base structure. Nightly I've parked my carcass directly atop The Great Wall of No, and I believe I've worn it down to a level equal to the rest of the sleeping surface. Boy will she be surprised when she snuggles down with her false sense of security behind her carefully constructed barricade, only to find her space invaded by the ravenous raider hell bent on plundering her booty.
Unfortunately, she knows spouse-fu, so if you see me in the emergency room, be sure to wave.
Oh yeah, that reminds me...
ALERT!! ALERT!! The wife is en route. Repeat. The wife is en route.
Cover all exterior doghouse hatchways!
Engage the cloaking device!
This is not a drill!
posted earlier by DM, the resident idiot
9 Comments:
Good luck and remember to wipe up that coffee you spilled! Quick!
That is hilarious! At least she allows you roughly half of the bed. I'll be laughing about this tonight, when I'm hanging on the side of the mattress for dear life.
HAHA
I know what you mean KOM, sometimes she eases across to my side without realizing it. I call this 'conquering territory' and summarily annex it back in the name of monkey.
What I really need is a flag. You can't conquer territory without a flag.
Tear down the wall!!
Tear down the wall!!
Tear down the wall!!
Tear down the wall!!
I thought the middle of the bed was FOR humping, not for making a hump to keep out the opposing party. And saying that I would've constructed bricks and mortar between me and my husband if I could've lol.
That's great. We don't have a hump in our bed. But we do have a nice symmetrical headboard which allows us to glance up and easily see who has over-rolled their side. All I have to do is look up at it, and look at him, and he scoots. My hubby hates it. He wants a new headboard. Oh yeah, he is a programmer, and I tell him he's a monkey, so maybe you too are long lost brothers!
lmao... I will remember to be mad at you for divulging the wall of no story after I finish laughing.
I have no comment at this time...it's far too late in the evening to even contemplate a retort. but one is coming. =)
Don't let my husband know that some "Walls of No" go down the MIDDLE of the bed. As of now he's content with his quarter of the bed. And that's the way I like it.
BTW, by the time you get off couch duty, she'll probably have refortified the Wall of No. Good luck
No couch for me, no ma'am. I think she's maintaining a clever veneer of feigned affection while she works to determine the location of my new fully armed and operational doghouse.
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